See Part 1 HERE Where I explain some hesitation in using the terms “I’m healed, or I’m fully recovered.” I explain how the ego can grab this statement message and use it against you in the future as I’ve seen with many coaches and clients in this community.
Don’t want to read? Watch my reading of this blog HERE.
That was then…This is now
4 years ago, I thought my journey of healing was complete.I claimed recovery because that’s the trend in the limbic system healing community. It’s a rite of passage almost, a status that all retainers dream of proclaiming. This photo was taken the day I publicly claimed my recovery in early 2018 as you are “supposed” to do in the brain retraining world to let everyone know.
Well, little did I know, but within a month of this proclamation, my marriage would start to fall apart. I was finally at a place physically where I could emotionally see the truth of my relationship, and my husband felt safe enough to be honest with me about his truth. That unexpected truth, “I don’t think we should be married anymore”, rocked me. It rocked my body too.
Well fuck, I thought, I just claimed recovery, everyone thinks I’m now healed and happy, I’m even coaching a little, and now a shitstorm just took me and my body over… again. I sure didn’t feel good. My ego was freaking out!
Yes, 4 years ago, my healing journey was far from over. Though I had regained much of my body function and could much better handle chronic stress, I was just at the beginning of healing the inner wounding that I was about to come face-to-face with.
I may have “recovered” in 2018 from limbic system impairment. But I sure wasn’t done with my transformation.
Over those next four years after claiming recovery, I went through the following transformative process that challenged me deeply; physically, mentally, and spiritually:
- Leaving Mormonism and losing my church community
- Providing for myself financially with zero savings/assets due to illness costs
- Becoming a single mother of 2 kids
- The surfacing of my childhood abuse memories into my conscious awareness
- Revealing my family’s deepest secrets and being outcast by exposing them
- Entering into a twin-flame, alchemical relationship with my current partner
- Multiple moves, even to a different state
- Launching a neuroplasticity platform and having to be in the public eye constantly
- Covid…homeschooling, loss, isolation, etc
And here I am, exactly 4 years later, age 44, continuing with my process of transformation and rebirth. I’d hardly say that 2018 was the climax of my recovery. Now, because of continued challenges, I’m much more grounded in my unapologetic truth and sovereign True Self expression. I’m able to lead and teach with my inner authority restored.
As I said, thank goodness that my claimed ‘recovery’ in 2018 wasn’t complete, I was just finally at a place where the real inner work could happen, as could the restructuring of my life. I share these details with you to express how my Lyme ‘recovery’ was so not the whole picture of my healing process. As my journey continued onward, activation of old memory structures would re-awaken and Lyme patterning would occur from time to time until I worked through the ‘initiation’ that was at hand. I realized I was on the path of the alchemist, and began to have a much grander goal than just recovery of chronic illness.
What is recovery anyway?
To me, recovery is when we have the tools to self-regulate our nervous system and know how to use them. Generally, we can return back to a state of body harmony in a reasonable period of time when we get disrupted in our flow or have symptoms triggered. Chronic illness recovery does not always mean we are cured, although that does often happen! Recovery doesn’t mean that we don’t have body vulnerability or symptoms. We are human, we age, and our bodies might communicate from time to time when we have fallen out of balance or have mismanaged our emotional state. If you want to still have a goal of recovery after reading this article. Id like to offer my definition of recovery:
Recovery is finding freedom from what was limiting you to be able to now live a life you love!
The problem is, some of the rewiring community and leadership have painted an idealistic picture of the term ‘recovery’, and then hold each other to that standard. That unrealistic standard of “I’m fully recovered and feel awesome now” is partly induced by a cultural norm of “don’t post anything triggering, just show your best self to each other.” I wish that the celebrated recovery stories on certain platforms included more of the less-than-perfect recovery stories to shift the perception of what recovery means. I’ve read testimonials with great over-exaggerated lists of diagnoses and issues they are fully healed from while secretly seeking out coaching from me or others to help them with the lingering issues that they don’t want to be exposed publicly. I also feel recovery implies there is something wrong with us to be recovered from that needs to be ‘fixed’. I don’t believe that, and I explain a lot of this in my community. And I also see a general belief that ‘I have to be recovered like so-and-so before I can go live or start helping others.’ This is such a shame that some feel unworthy to start contributing their wisdom back to the community because they are not fully ‘recovered’, themselves. And honestly, I see many people in this community claiming recovery but they cannot handle living life with triggering people, being in relationships, or restarting their career or purpose. That’s hardly freedom in my book.We are shooting ourselves in the foot with these approaches of seeking the idealistic definition of ‘complete recovery’. Countless clients have breathed a sigh of relief when I explain this truth or share with them that some of those “perfect coaches” are far from perfect in reality. It allows them to not cling to this idolized image of recovery, and instead learn to find a standard of okayness and safety in the body that they already have. I encourage clients to ride the ebbs knowing that they are, indeed, on a greater path than recovery alone. And that, my friends, is the secret – when we are aiming for something that isn’t an idealistic finish line (being healed/recovered), we actually allow our psyche to RELAX into the current reality, and ironically our body heals easier! If you can let go of comparison of your healing progress vs. the status of the supposed recovered ones, you might find you stop trying so hard and can break your fix-it addiction, or stop feeling like you are doing it wrong.
Recovery vs Transformation
A couple of years ago I began teaching others in this rewiring community that “I’m on a transformation journey, not just a recovery/healing journey.” I didn’t like what was implied by the term recovery and it didn’t feel authentic for me. I like the definition I proposed above better. I have explained to my community that my process became not about ‘fixing it/curing it’, but rather, my goal is about True Self awakening and using my values as my rewiring focus. And that was what actually gave me freedom from illness. My goal and reason for doing my retraining changed, and my body had more space to then do its own self-healing. I now see these ideas catching on and many are adopting this approach, both in my program and in others because frankly, I think it feels better to seek transformation over cure! Transformation allows for our humanity to show up. It allows the body to have its tantrums from time to time. It allows us to sink and then rise even higher. It embraces the dark and the light and dissolves duality thinking. And again, this higher conscious focus allows the body to heal itself, and you find that you are free. As I see my clients and community members adopt this focus, they give themselves permission to live and contribute and even mentor, even though they are not fully ‘healed’. I see their bodies becoming more vibrant because they have learned how to take the pressure off. And I see them awaken to the great truth that their journey isn’t even about chronic illness, it’s about True Self awakening. They are able to have purpose, self-respect, and celebration of the transformation process they are on.Am I ‘fully recovered’? Do you mean ‘does my body feel perfect all the time’? Nope. I have a sensitive body and I’m an empath. I feel everything. I cry sometimes, I get angry sometimes. And yet my autonomic nervous system knows how to come back to calm. Illness patterning usually comes back into balance as I come into alignment and process what I’m resisting. And I know how to use my tools. And I’m living my purpose, I can go anywhere, hike wherever, and do whatever I choose. My limbic system doesn’t control me, I am the conscious creator of my experience. As far as being “fully recovered”, well I’ve never retested all my diagnoses because frankly, I don’t care if aspects of Lyme, pathogens, and mold is still floating around inside of me, I’ve learned to co-exist with my internal world, I am able to do what I chose and live a life I love anyway. That’s freedom folks!
May you discover a greater purpose than just healing your body and not having symptoms. And may you awaken to a magical path of transformation where your tools are used to help you turn your limitations into strengths and be able to live a life you love too! In service to your transformation, freedom, and primal trust embodiment,Dr. Cathleen King, DPT Founder of the Primal Trust™ Academy & Community – an online neuroplasticity-based transformation platform bringing people freedom from chronic illness and trauma.www.cathleenking.com